Of Moving Beds and Mary Sues
by SmashStuff
Summary: Sara, using the power of FanFiction, almost destroyed the world of Nintendo in 2012. But now, she's back. Back and more powerful than ever. Now people are needed. Find out what happens in the first book of the Mary Sue Fighters!
1. Prologue- Meet the OCs

_Hilo, peeps of FanFictionDotNet! Today I bring you a story full of drama, humor, TFs, adventure, and, of course, that hateable Mary Sara. Onwards with the story!_

"Oh, goddesses," Smash said, looking at his iPad. He'd noticed all the Missonh From God commentaries popping up all over the place. Also looking were Captain Yellow, Pixel, and Wind. From the Land of the Golden Keyboard, the author invented some new OCs for this story.

"You don't think..." said Wind.

"Oh, I think," said Smash.

"Sara's back, and SHE HAZ FURRY!" Captain Yellow yelled dramatically.

_Meanwhile, in South Carolina..._

"All... the people... of the Internet... must know God..." Sara mumbled. "I... must go back..."

Suddenly God appeared, wearing bread.

"Sara! I have to take you back to the Nintendo World!" God said.

"Alright, time to teach the atheists and gays a lesson," said that hateable Mary Sara.

"But wait! I must give you powers! Since my Final Smash ones didn't work, you have to get even more powerful."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... this." God held up a sword that did anything you want it to do.

"COOL!"

"Now, go to the Smash World and do the same thing you did last time. I'll be on your side." God opened up a portal to Smash World.

_Back to the other guys!_

"Hey, you wanna play Smash Bros?" Smash asked.

"Yep!" "Sure!" "Fine."

Wind turned on the Wii U. After a normal Smash Brothers prep, they finally made it to the character select screen. He chose Pit, Smash chose Zelda, Captain Yellow chose Bowser, and Pixel chose King Dedede. They all agreed on Final Destination.

"Hey, guys? Is someone moving the bed?" Pixel asked.

"No. It would actually seem more like we're getting sucked INNNNN OH MY GODS RUN FOR YOUR-" Smash screamed.

_To the Smash Mansion!_

"Good to be back," Sara said. She held her sword and made Link swoon over her.

"Three," Link said. The sign of being Sara-ized.

"Where are those pesky Pokémon? Intell says they've been here," Sara murmured. She held up a tracking device that looked like a... Pokédex?

"SARA?! OH NO! MASTER HAN- eight," Marth yelled.

"Hmph. That's okay, liberal. Let's go before they catch us. We wouldn't want that."

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"Mmm. I sure do love muffins," Mario said, delighted. When suddenly, the speakers in the cafeteria blasted.

"CODE WHITE! I REPEAT, A CODE WHITE!" Crazy Hand screamed through the PA system. Smashers, Assist Trophies, Pokémon, stage element characters (you know, like Silver), and bosses came pouring out the door.

"_I want all these liberals to fall under my spell,"_ Sara thought. Her sword lit up and caused a shockwave through all of Nintendo City. Only three smashers were saved.

_Pit._

_Toon Link._

_Falco._


	2. Chapter One- Master Hand is Free!

"Well, we've summoned them. Now what?" Pit asked. "We can't just send four humans on an adventure without actually giving them powers. All they're armed with is a frying pan! Good thing they'll be out for a few minutes."

Falco answered, "Well, I did take some of the potion Master Hand used last time. But I only have two doses!"

"Well, give half a dose to each of them! Duh!"

"Good idea, Professor Wings."

"You have wings too!"

"Hmph."

"Hmph."

"Fine, then I'll do it," said Toon Link. He then proceeded to put the potion in the author's mouths.

_Fifteen minutes later..._

"Oh, guys. Did I have too many juice boxes again?" Pixel asked.

"No, but I must've. It looks like you've got a Houndoom tail and ears." Wind answered.

"Actually, I think we're all having a juice box hangover," Smash said.

"You're not," Falco said blatantly.

"Aah! Scary bird! Smash, give me your frying pan!" Captain Yellow screamed.

"Idiot. That's Falc-oooooooomy gosh!" Smash said. "Comfort song! I have to sing the comfort song!" Smash then proceeded to sing the Hetalia- Axis Powers theme.

"Okay, let me explain this to you guys. Sara Osborne, that female dog, has taken over the mansion- again. We remained here somehow and now we had to summon you guys because you all know the dangers of Sara. We've turned Smash into a half-Glaceon, Yellow into a half-Machop, Pixel into a half-Houndoom, and Wind into a half-Castform," Pit explained.

"Oh, so _that's_ why I can't feel my legs. I don't have any!" Wind said.

"Okay, so now what?" Yellow asked. Yeah, we're going to call him Yellow for now.

"Easy! We find Lauren. She'll know what to do!" Pit answered. "Then, we do what she tells us to do, while reorienting the infected Smashers. Then, we kill that female dog!"

"I have a question." Toon Link stated.

"Yes?" Pit said.

"Do you really like floor ice cream?"

Deadpan.

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"_Summon the My Inner Life girl and Enbony. They know my pain,"_ Sara thought. Instantly, Enbony whatever-her-name-is and Link's Lover Girl jumped through a portal in front of Sara. "_This is good. This is how I will start my empire. Hopefully no liberal Pokémon are near us."_

"Sara. How may I help you?" Enbony asked.

"_Put these girls under my spell," _Sara thought.

"Nine," LLG said.

"Twenty-seven," Enbony said.

"Wait. Where's the angel, the cartoon, and the bird?" Sara asked Master Hand.

"They are- hey guys, hel- on the- p me!" Master Hand said, shimmering.

Somehow, he broke through the spell of the Mary Sue and fleed.

To the Smash Mansion's courtyard.

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"Okay, there you are!" Smash said as he put his frying pan into his satchel.

"I would think Sara would be here by now. But no, she's in the sacred forest." Toon Link said. Suddenly, Master Hand flew into the courtyard.

Guys! I *huff* have really *huff* horrible news!" Master Hand wheezed.

"What?" Falco asked.

"Sara's trying to hunt you down! And she's also wondering about the girls!"

"Well, we've assembled a new team of authors!" Falco directed Master Hand to Smash, Captain Yellow, Wind, and Pixel.

"Hi!" Hidles!" "Hey!" Captain Yellow fangirl-squealed.

"Okay, we have to hide! And quick, before she gets us!"

_Smash Comments_

Hey, SmashStuff here! I read the reviews, and you guys are HILARIOUS! And as a response to the person who hoped TL is a main character, he has a special scene for him. And finally, yes, everyone in the whole stinking mansion except for the three smashers listed in the end of the last chapter. Also HUG YOUR GLACEON OR DIE.


	3. Chapter Two- Lauren Gives Advice!

We open with Smash, drinking a French Vanilla. Iced, of course.

"Aah! The first time I've been able to relax in the last couple of hours," Smash said, even more delighted than Mario with a muffin.

"Hey," Yellow greeted.

"Hello."

Awkward silence. But awkward silence is always broken.

"HEY GUYS! WHADDA U DOIN'?" Pixel shouted.

"Oh, we've forgotten. Never give Pixel caffeine." Yellow said.

"Now he has fire powers. I'd better run!" Smash then ran out the door.

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"This is it. This is Sara's Needle!" Master Hand said, with a needle in his hand marked "CUR 4 HOMOSEXUALITY"

"Why do you want that?" Falco asked.

"If we reverse this, and inject it into Sara, she'll lose her powers! And we want that."

"Truth!"

"Hey Master Hand! I've got to run! Bye!" Smash yelled, running past the laboratory door.

"Hey! Take this!" Smash caught a can of anti-caffeine pills.

"Hey, Pixel! I've got candy!"

"COOL!" Pixel ran towards Smash, grabbed a pill, and popped it into his mouth. After that, he was OUT.

"Good."

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"Okay. The last place Lauren's been is Southpine High School in South Carolina," Wind told Toon Link and Pit.

"Okay, that's done. Now how do we get her here?" Pit asked.

"Hmm..."

"Three hours later," Toon Link said in his Spongebob Narrator voice.

_Three hours later..._

"I've got it! We use the teleportation device in the back!" Pit said.

"Are you seriously telling me _that _after three hours?" Wind scolded.

"Let's just get Master Hand."

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We enter the teleportation chamber.

"Hey, guys!" Lauren said. "I heard your problem, so I'm here now!"

"Good," Master Hand said. "Now, how do we defeat Sara?"

"Oh, that's easy! Take her away from everything she knows. Take her away from Josh, take her away from Link and Marth, and take her away from "God."

"Why air quotes around God, Lauren?" Pit asked.

"Can't you see? The person Sara's worshiping isn't God. It's Vladimir, God's Satanic twin!"

_Smash Comments_

Cliffhanger, dun dun duun!


	4. BONUS- The Ten Don'ts

Hey! Welcome to the bonus chapter of _Of Moving Beds and Mary Sues! _It's basically a list of what NOT to do while Smash, Captain Yellow, Pixel, and Wind are at the Mansion. It was written AFTER someone dies. Yes, they WILL stay. You did here me say "first book in the Mary Sue Fighters SERIES", right. Anywho, enjoy!

1 Do not, under any circumstance, give Pixel caffeine.

2 Don't reference Hetalia near Smash unless you WANT to hear him sing in Japanese.

3 Don't make Wind move a rock.

4 Don't let Captain Yellow around Samus.

5 Don't make Smash put ice in your drink.

6 Don't stab Pixel with his own tail. Unless you want to be a human French fry.

7 Don't pour water on Wind.

8 In fact, don't tick off Wind in any way.

9 If Smash asks you to play Russian Roulette or Spin the Bottle, say no.

10 If Smash asks you to play video games, say yes.


	5. Chapter 4- A Run-In with Josh

"Oh, Naryu," Smash said.

"What?" Wind inquired. Woot, I'm upping my vocabulary!

"I was just looking at Glaceon pics."

"And?"

''I look like a girl, don't I?"

"Yes."

Just as I feared."

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"And, we will sing, we will sing, for you!" Pixel sang.

"Yeah, we will sing, we will sing, for you!" Yellow sung.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Yeah. Pit, Toon Link, and Falco were watching.

"Hey, guys? We've got to go," Pit commanded.

"Go where?" Yellow asked.

"To reorient the smashers, of course."

"Oh. Okay. Come on, Pixel."

"Woof, woof. NOW GIVE ME MY TWENTY BUCKS!" Pixel shouted.

"Let's go get the others," Falco said. Toon Link was still mentally disturbed.

They walked to the Research Room, where Smash had looked at the Glaceon pics. Sure enough, Smash and Wind were in there.

"Hey, guys? You ready to kick some Russian butt?" Falco asked.

"BUT I LIKE RUSSIA! HE MAKES GREAT PICKAXES!" cried Wind.

"He means Vladimir the Stupid, Wind," Smash said.

"Oh."

"Idiot."

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"HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOOOOOOO!" Wind sung on the bus to Vladimir's base.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled Pixel.

"Oh, that can't be," Pit said. But sure enough, it was. Josh, that buttcrack, was blocking their path.

"Stop, you liberals!" Josh commanded.

"Yeah, no. GO, ICE BEAM!" Smash said, firing an Ice Beam at Josh. It hit him in the face, which stunned him for a while. However, Josh pulled out a rifle.

"Stop, or I destroy your bus!" Josh shouted. Falco, who was driving the bus, attempted to run Josh down. But Josh retaliated by using his Gary Stu powers to open the hood of the SmashMobile, then shot the engine. Then the bus was beyond repair.

"Grr, YAGH!" Pixel shot a blast of flame at Josh, breaking the rifle and hurting Josh. Yellow used Hi Jump Kick on Josh, which hit his head. Wind finished him off by Solarbeaming him because it was sunny.

"Okay, one enemy down! But now we'll have to continue the journey on foot." Pit said. Which was weird, because he had wings.

Smash pulled his tablet out of his satchel. "Actually, it looks like there's a forest and other stuff on the way."

"Well, we'd better get started," Falco said.

_Smash Comments_

Well, that was fun to write. And yeah, I just now noticed that Smash would look like a girl. But ask me if I care? That was probably the last chapter of the day. No, probably not! Expect another one, and HUG YOUR GLACEON. NOW I SAID. NOW.


	6. Chapter Five: ROB on a Bike Rack

"Russians. What are they good for, anyway?" Pixel mumbled to himself as the party walked.

"Cathedrals," Smash replied. Which is true. The Russians make great cathedrals.

"True."

After walking for a while, Pixel began to get hungry. He hadn't eaten since the Smash Mansion. And sending a blast of flames to incinerate an evil collage student really drains your stomach.

"Hey guys? I'm hungry!" Pixel told Pit. He simply replied, "Don't worry! We're almost there, and Vlad has a part-time job as an ice cream man!"

"Oh, great!" P.S.: He wasn't really an ice cream man.

_Three hours, ten granola bars, twenty-seven "Are we there yet?"s, two bathroom breaks, and a talk about lesbians later..._

"Well, here we are! The castle of Vlad!" Pit announced. That very second, Samus, R.O.B., and Sonic came out, defending the castle.

"Well, here we go! The world's largest game of tower defense starts... NOW!" Smash yelled.

Wind shot another Solarbeam at R.O.B., which took the spell off of him. The same happened with Captain Yellow and Sonic and Smash, Pixel, and Samus.

"Oh, sheesh! What happened?" Sonic asked.

"Sara happened. Now are you gonna help us or not?" Smash said.

"Yeah, sure!" Sonic answered.

_Sonic joined your party!_

_Samus joined your party!_

_R.O.B. joined your party!_

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"Falco, no one is gonna touch your bread while we are gone," Pit told Falco.

"Oh."

"Wait, guys! What's happening to the castle?" Smash said while pointing to the castle. It was slowly dissipating.

"That castle was an illusion caused by Sara to fool you," Samus answered.

"Oh, that's just peachy," Pixel said.

"Don't worry! There's a car parked in the garage!" Sonic directed our heroes to a dark green Land Rover.

"Neat-o!" said Yellow, excitedly.

They all piled into the Rover, with Toony, Smash, Yellow, and Wind in the back row, Pixel, Pit and Samus in the middle, and Falco and Sonic in the front. They put R.O.B. on a bike rack.

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"_No! I couldn't have lost them! Stupid liberals! Vlad will know what to do," _thought Sara. She then summoned Vlad with her sword.

"Sara. Direct them away from us, not towards! I should punish you for that." Vlad said.

"Don't worry. I've got it covered."

_Smash Comments_

Gosh, this may have been the least exiting chapter. But it needed to be done! Anywho, Glaceon thing, odd comment, okay! Pretty please review! Reviewers get cookies and, if you ask a question, I will answer it. Also, you can join the Club of Hammers if you would like to. Just favorite me, that sweet little Glaceon-morph, and I'll put you on my list. I HAVE A LIST!


	7. Chapter Six: Extremely Short Chappie!

"Okay. Sammy, can't you tell us where in the blazing blue Tartarus we're going?" Yellow asked.

"Sara's base. We've got the anti-vaccine and we are gping to stab her. Sound good?" Samus answered.

"WOO! STAB THE ENEMY!" Smash yelled.

"Alright. Gather the weapons," Pit told our Morphs.

"Frying pan. Smash, have you got that?" Pixel read.

"Yap!" Smash replied.

"Yellow? Enchanted plastic sword?"

"Yeskay!" Yellow said.

"Wind? Foam iron pickaxe?"

"Right here!" said the one known as Wind.

"And I've got my sack of coins."

Falco proceeded in explaining the plan of battle. "Okay, guys. Here's the plan. In Sara's huge mansion are traps of every kind. We work our way around the mansion to get to the basement door on the top story, for some reason. Sara's lab is in the basement, but we'll have to find it."

"Good. But what do we have to go into the lab for?" Toon Link asked.

"Sara's always in her lab."

"Oh, okay. I figured there would be chicken nuggets."

Wanna see Falco's expression? 0_o.

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"Hi! I'm Sara! I used to be lesbooooooooooooooooooo! And now I'm NOT." Yellow sung.

"Hey, guys? I think we're almost there." said Samus.

"Good. I almost DIED of boredom," Wind complained.

"Well, I learned to speak Mary Sue!" Smash boasted.

"Okay, translate this. "Pigs shot me on my roof of timber," challenged Pixel.

"Pegs shat me one mi rof off tumburr."

"WHAT THE HECK?"

"Yup. That's Sue-Speak for ya."

"Humuna, humuna, humuna..."

"I think I scarred him."

_Smash Comments_

Short chapter is short! But I didn't want them to arrive this chapter. Also, you may have noticed that we lost contact with our little ray of HATE. That's because I didn't want them arriving this chapter. You'll see why. Trust me.

Until then, lates!


	8. Chapter Seven- Mary Sue Types

"Welp. That's it," Smash said as he pointed to a giant "hose" with a "gatrillion romos".

"Oh my ugly Aphrodite," Yellow exclaimed.

The crew was certainly not pleased with the Sarash Mansion, as the authors called it. But, unfortunately, they had to venture in.

"Hey, guys?" Pit got the writers' attention.

"What?" Wind asked.

"R.O.B. upgraded you guys last night."

"What did he do?"

"You can now fully change into your respective Pokémon."

"Neat. And I'll bet that will be better for stealth," Smash butted in.

And so, our heroes tried to do what Pit said. Good news: they did it. Bad news: they couldn't fix it. But the fact that they were inside the Sarash Mansion, they only gave R.O.B. an angry glare.

They were not walking for long when they came across poor, mind controlled, Shulk.

"what r u liburals doin her" he asked.

"Oh, no. I can sense text language," Samus commented.

"Shulk! Brainwash all the Smashers with them!" Sara commanded from the twentieth story. And he did just that.

Of course, being authors that have a rare ability called Commentate (enabling them to make hilarious remarks about MFG), Smash, Yellow and the gang couldn't be brainwashed. But all the other Smashers were eligible.

Toon Link was struck. So were Falco, Samus, R.O.B., Pit, and Sonic. They were all affected.

"No!" "Sonic!" "He owes me twenty dollars!" Those were all cries heard in the mansion. But all of the boys knew they had to continue the trek.

They climbed the first staircase. At the landing on top, Luigi was there to greet them.

"Hello-a you liberals-a!" Luigi greeted.

"No time for introductions, guys. We've got work to do," Pixel said with a serious look on his face. Which was odd for him.

"Good idea," Yellow agreed. He then used Power-Up Punch on Luigi.

"I pawn newbs!" he shouted. After this remark, Smash used Aurora Beam.

_It's super effective against the Mary Sue type Luigi!_

_The wild Luigi fainted!_

"Hey, Strollara! We completely respect your opinion, we're just not gonna listen to it!" Yellow said into a security camera.

"Let's go!" Smash shouted.

**Oh my goddesses, guys! Please read this! A liberal is someone who wants to be free! LOOK WHAT THE GOD OF THE MARY SUES HAS BEEN DOING!**

**-Smash**


End file.
